Scott Morrison Ministries update for November 25, 2022

Good afternoon,

In the past 24 hours, we have become aware of one new Scott Morrison ministry, bringing the total number of known ministries to six. All six ministries are connected to each other. We think there may be more unnoticed Scott Morrison ministries in the community – testing is underway. We apologize that there has been a complete lack of testing over the past two years.

No layoffs have been recorded to date, although unfortunately one career is on a ventilator and is expected to pass away in the next few days. Our condolences to those affected.

As you know, Scott Morrison’s ministries are known to spread very quickly. One minute you can be sworn in as Secretary of Health, and the next you’ll be in charge of the nation’s finances, resources, and law enforcement. It can spread exponentially without anyone else knowing.

Symptoms to watch out for include a sociopathic need for power, a weird obsession with secrecy, and a partner called “Christian” who owes you a favor. There have also been reports of a total lack of taste, although in Scott’s case we believe this may have been a lifelong condition.

A final reminder: If you believe you have unwittingly held a federal government ministry position, however briefly, in the past 12 months, get yourself tested on your head immediately.

I will now turn it over to the Chief Health Officer, Scott Morrison.

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