Trevor Noah bashes Biden, Dems, Media and GOP: Here’s everything he said

The annual White House Correspondents Association dinner met Saturday night for the first time since 2019 and the first with a sitting president since Barack Obama in 2016. Comedian Trevor Noah was the guest host, and he didn’t disappoint. He threw haystacks at everyone.

The South African comedian beat up the current president. He ridiculed the former president. He took, as expected, swipes at the GOP and Fox News. He also made CNN, Chris Cuomo, MSNBC, the governor of Florida, Ron DeSantis, the governor of Texas, Greg Abbott, the Republicans in general, the Democrat newsmakers in general and, well, pretty much everyone he could. within an allotted time frame, ridiculous.

Noah didn’t take the stage until President Joe Biden ended his monologue, mixed with jokes and other serious stuff. Biden acknowledged that he was about to be roasted before not only the 2,600 in attendance at the Washington hotel ballroom, but before millions of people watched by cable.

Biden said freedom of speech against the president in America would not lead the comedian to jail as “they do in Russia.”

“Are you serious, Mr. President? I’m not going to be arrested?’ asked Noah. The comedian said he would change his routine, which would bring laughter from the crowded room.

Joe Biden and Trevor Noah
President Joe Biden (L) shakes hands with South African comedian Trevor Noah during the White House Correspondents Association gala at the Washington Hilton Hotel in Washington, DC, on April 30, 2022.
Photo by NICHOLAS KAMM/AFP via Getty Images

Noah then started his comedic attack on everyone, with laughter and even “ooh’s” in his piece. These are things Noah said all night.

“I want you to understand that I’m not here to take anyone down, okay yeah. I can roast softly, you know, like some testicles on the Tucker Carlson special. I’m not just doing this for the attention, okay. I’m a comedian, not Kyrsten Sinema, okay And give it up for Kyrsten Sinema Who would have thought we’d see the day in American politics when a Senator could be openly bisexual, but a closet Republican, huh? progress, that’s progress.”

Noah said he was “nervous” about hosting such a post-Oscars event in which Will Smith disliked a Chris Rock prank, and then Smith stormed onto the stage to punch Rock in the face.

Noah turned that into a Kellyanne Conway joke.

“I’m a little worried about tonight, I won’t lie, you know. I thought, ‘What if I make a really mean joke that you know, like Kellyanne Conway, and then her husband runs up on stage and thanks me.”

Noah bragged about the work news reporters do, but then he took a hit on CNN, most notably former host Chris Cuomo.

“What those people don’t understand is that you guys have integrity, you would never allow personal connections to affect your ability to be good journalists. Isn’t Chris Coumo? Where is Chris by the way? Is he here? Could it be ? are you stuck?” said Noah.

The comedian’s jokes quickly shifted to Texas GOP Governor Greg Abbott and Florida’s Ron DeSantis. Noah jokingly told the wine-drinking crowd that if they needed a ride home, they could reach Abbott, who recently bused illegal immigrants from Texas to Washington DC.

A quick note before people order their Ubers home tonight. Governor Greg Abbott generally provides free buses to the Telemundo table. Very stylish, very stylish.’

Then he hit DeSantis’ recently signed “Don’t Say Gay” bill in the Sunshine State.

“Ron plays a cool guy. He won’t tell people if he has the booster, yeah, or as they say in Florida, don’t ask, don’t tell. Am I right? See you Ron.”

Noah then switched to snipe at the incumbent president. Noah, a two-race South African, referred to his own race as to why he was selected — clearly referring to Barack Obama.

President, thank you for being here, thank you for having me here and I was a little confused as to why me, then I was told you will get your highest approval ratings if a bi-racial African man stands next to you So what did you say Joe, I’m glad I was able to do my part and hopefully this will work.”

Noah then suggested that first lady Dr. Jill Biden voted for Bernie Sanders in the last election.

“Interesting fact, even as First Lady Dr. Biden continued her teaching career, yes, the first time a presidential husband has ever done this. Congratulations. Now you might think it’s because she loves teaching a lot, actually because she’s her student still paying debt. I’m sorry about that Jill. Yeah, I think you should have voted for Bernie.”

Biden went on to be lauded for everything that “looked up” during his administration, but immediately hit for “up,” such as in gas, inflation, and rent.

“I’ll be honest if you hadn’t come, I would have totally understood, yes, because these people have been so hard on you, which I don’t understand. I really don’t know, I think since you came to the office things are really going up you know the gas is up the rent is up the food is up… make about 2024.

“President Biden has led the country through very dark times since he took office, the covid pandemic, the war in Ukraine, the launch of CNN plus. I might add that you know he got a bipartisan infrastructure bill that we’re doing everything from repairing American roads and bridges to modernizing school buses, which his girlfriend Matt Gaetz is really excited about.”

White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki was also not spared because she was ridiculed for contracting COVID-19 again.

“Let me ask you how do you keep getting COVID?” asked Noah. “Jen, like your boss gave us all free tests. Doesn’t he have your address? What is going on there?

“On the street it was said that Jen Psaki is going to MSNBC next month. Apparently the reasons for C-SPAN were too high and she wanted more challenge, you know, change things. … If it’s true congratulations to Jen and your big career change , but you know that moving to MSNBC will be a big change for you, because right now your current job is to make the Biden administration look its best, you know, at all costs.

“By the way, MSNBC can only say that you guys are doing a great job, you know. I love watching your shows, you know, when Trump was in office, your shows were all about how bad he was. And now Biden is in office “Your shows are all about how bad Trump was. Consistency is important.”

Noah thanked the politicians, journalists, celebrities, award winners and others in attendance.

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